On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize