Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
