I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
