Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cannot find my penis.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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