Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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