He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
