Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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