you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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