I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
