that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
