3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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