He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
