i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
