Betty ford says i'm here all night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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