I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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