i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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