PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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