so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
