I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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