My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
