i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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