I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
