The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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