At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
