whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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