oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
