bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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