Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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