dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
