Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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