My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize