some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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