why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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