yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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