can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
