I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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