my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
