Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
