we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You dont lie about slip and slides
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
