I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
