Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
