I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
