Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
