I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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