yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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