There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The best revenge is premature balding
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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