he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
