Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
