so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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