it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
