I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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