she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
