Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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