My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
