she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
