They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
