fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
