Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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