I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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