Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
