This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
