She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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