She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
