Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
