If i come over, it means nothing
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
false alarm. still invincible.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
