He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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