So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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