Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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