I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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