I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
