I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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