I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
