Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
