There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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