i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
