ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
