got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
