Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize