I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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