she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
