we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can I color on your dick again?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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