if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
