If i come over, it means nothing
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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