Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
