I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
