So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
