Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
