so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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